Tommy looked like he was sleeping. which sort of messed with my head. 

i only cried a few times, but i quickly collected myself for my mom. plus, she swore i wouldn’t be able to handle it. and i wanted to prove her wrong, and not make her even more upset. i walked up to the casket with my dad’s hand behind my back. i looked down and started to cry. it was awful trying to convince myself that he was gone, especially cause he didn’t look like it. 

tomorrow is gonna be worse. it’ll be longer, with songs and speeches, and it’ll be the last time i see his face. i’m nervous.

pray for my family, please.